The quality of our relationships affects our health. Our relationships are governed by a give and take of energy. Some coworkers and colleagues make us more electric or at ease. Yet others suck the life right out of us. There is no doubt that energy vampires roam the world sapping our exuberance. Most persons don’t know how to identify and cope with vampires, so they mope around as unwitting casualties, enduring a preventable fatigue.
The following are types of energy vampires and how to deal with them:
Vampire #1: The Sob Sister
Every time you talk to her she's whining. She adores a captive audience. She’s the coworker with the “poor me” attitude who’s more interested in complaining than solutions.
How to Protect Yourself: Set clear boundaries. Limit the time you spend talking about her complaints. With a firm but kind attitude say, “I’m sorry I can only talk for a few minutes today.” And go on with your work.
Vampire #2: The Drama Queen
This vampire has a flair for exaggerating small incidents into off-the-chart dramas. For example, Sarah was exhausted when she hired a new employee who was always late for work. One week he had the flu and “almost died.” Next, his car was towed, again! After this employee left her office Sarah felt tired and used.
How to Protect Yourself: A drama queen doesn’t get mileage out of equanimity. Stay calm. Take a few deep breaths. This will help you not get caught up in the histrionics. At work, set kind but firm limits. Say, "You must be here on time to keep your job. I'm sorry for all your mishaps, but work comes first".
Vampire #3: The Constant Talker or Joke Teller
He has no interest in your feelings; he’s only concerned with himself. Initially, he might seem entertaining, but when the talking doesn’t stop, you begin to get tired. You wait for an opening to get a word in edgewise but it never comes. Or he might physically move in so close he's practically breathing on you. You edge backwards, but without missing a beat, he steps closer again. After a while, just seeing this person approaching you makes you wary and uncomfortable. Your boundaries expand further than normal because you are aware this person will violate them.
How to Protect Yourself: Know that these people don’t respond to nonverbal cues. You must speak up and interrupt. Listen for a few minutes- then from a neutral place politely say, “I’m a quiet person, so please excuse me for not talking a long time—a much more constructive tack than “Keep quiet, you’re driving me crazy!”
Vampire #4. The Fixer Upper
This vampire is desperate for you to fix her endless problems—at all hours. She turns you into her therapist. At lunch, she’ll make a b-line to your desk, monopolizing your free time. Her neediness lures you in.
How to Protect Your Energy: Do not become the “rescuer.” Show empathy but resist offering solutions. Be supportive but tell her, “I’m confident you’ll find the right solution” or sensitively suggest that she seek a qualified professional for help.
Vampire #5: The Blamer
This vampire has a sneaky way of making you feel guilty or lacking for not getting things just right. For example a boss that always makes you fell on guard; she has a way of cutting you down that saps your energy. She always has a negative comment to make.
How to Protect Yourself: Try this visualization. Around this person imagine yourself surrounded by a cocoon of white light. Think of it as a protective covering that keeps you from being harmed. Tell yourself that you are safe and secure here. The cocoon filters out the negativity so it can't deplete you.
Vampire #6: Go For the Jugular Fiend
This type is vindictive and cuts you down with no consideration for your feelings. He says things like, “Forget that job. It’s out of your league.” These jabs can be so hurtful it’s hard to get them out of your head.
How to Protect Yourself: Eliminate them from your life whenever possible. For a boss who isn’t going anywhere try a visualization that puts you at a distance from them, and refuse to ingest the poison. If you don’t want to switch jobs, realize he’s a wounded person; try not to take his meanness personally.
These are just a few examples, and just keep in mind that you never deserve to feel uncomfortable or unworthy due to contact with any person, including family members. Honor your intuition and how you feel after you’ve been in the company of a person that makes you feel drained and unhappy. Sometimes you might feel guilty, especially if this person is a family member, however your first obligation is to protect yourself. If you can’t completely cut off contact with this person, then limit it and use the examples above on how to deal with them.
A version of this article appeared on DrJudithOrloff.com
Expert in traditional and alternative areas of hypnosis, subconscious behaviorist